Heart Attack

By:  Wyshona

A great white shark

            attacks from   

                  B

                   E

                   L

                   O

                   W

 a swift slam—a fatal maim

and then it swims

a        r        o       u       n       d

and waits for the prey to die.

You came from the  d

                                e

                                p

                                t

                                h

                                s

jaws wide open and—

                        HIT

before I knew what

had happened.

A gasp. My heart

Fluttered.  Sped.

A taste.  A gnaw.

Prey?

I struggle to stay afloat

while you decide if I’m

worthy of you.

I pray.

Not prey.

You surface for a

moment, and I see

those black, soulless

eyes.  You stare at

me.  Many call you

monster, but is that

what I see?

You swim away with

shreds of my flesh and

muscle between your

teeth; my bones in your

gullet; my heart lost.

I am left.

Bereft.

Broken.

Bleeding.

Hand to heart,

while I try to

tread the water

of life as you

leave me in

your wake.

Fall 2013

Revised Spring 2014

Inspired by the Song "Thought of You" - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBk3ynRbtsw

I woke up and

Wished that I was dead

With an aching in my head

I lay motionless in bed.

I thought of you

And where you’ve gone,

And the world

Spins madly on.

My sweet man

That man whose heart

I so wanted

Whose touch

I longed for

Whose kind eyes

Whose sweet, sweet face

All, distant,

Away from me

Never.

Never at all

Anything to do with me.

** 

Thinking of you

As you lay on your side

Head cradled

Look up at me

As I softly walk

Away

Wishing for your arms

Reaching,

Something you did in the dark

Once

As I loved you

But never because you

Loved me.

I feel the slash

Of your absence --

White hot at

The memory of each piece of you, back then.

Dull aching like

A past blow to the temple --

As surely as if

You being gone

Were here today,

My reality.

I know it is coming.

I watch the stars

From my windowsill. The

Whole world is moving

And I’m standing still.

(2013)

A Thousand Years

That song rips it out of me:

All that I failed to do

All I wanted to help him do

All the things we used to talk about

In the beginning.

I have loved you

For a thousand years

And that’s what it feels like.

Now I’ve shoved free

Sails open

And it hurts.

On to a new life

On to white walls and teaching every day

Close to my family

Warm weather and all things

New.

Help me to have hope.

Maybe

With this on paper

I have moved forward

One small step.

(early 2013)

Early

‘I wish I could help you better,’
I tell him,
my hands turning slow the
tea mug in front of me,
as we sit across the table
from one another.

Early morning
at the coffeeshop.

I watch him and he
watches his fingers.
A line creases in his forehead
as he does that strange arch with his
eyebrows
that turns his face into something
so striking
that I look away and tilt my tea
toward me to watch 

its dark ripples instead.
I wonder if things are
falling apart
from his point of view.
Solemn man.

His eyes change a little,
and I hope for a smile but don’t get one.
He suddenly straightens and
inhales like
he might yawn.
He holds his shoulders tight,
then drops them.
I wish I could read him better.
He begins tapping
the pad of his thumb on his mug.
“Thanks,” he says;
his eyes are crinkled at the edges, a
gentle almost-smile,
glancing briefly at
my eyes.
The look of
stormclouds in his eyes—
a painful dark—
lightningstrikes the back of my neck.
I scramble to
regain my balance.

I know
I can’t help him.
but maybe talking
here
is moving an inch in
a good direction

for him
and maybe that’s all
I’ve got.

edited from 09.2012

"You"

This poem is about someone from my past, not Claire.  It came to me when I was sitting in a writer's workshop listening to someone else's writing.

"You"

I gave you everything I had to give

and received jabs of unkind words in return.

My heart was out there for you and everyone to see

and you stomped on it, the pieces breaking unevenly as I 

attempted to appease you and keep everything from

falling apart.

I never said those three little words, but you were the

first person I felt them for, and it scared me—

justifiably.

You never lied to me, but omissions of truth are almost worse.

You said it was only a joke, but, to me, it did not seem

funny to make fun of my accent, my mannerisms, my

family, my being.

It’s been years, and some days, though I don’t miss you, and

don’t wonder “what if,” a scent or a song or a snatch of a

memory recalls you to mind

Your lupine teeth, your impossible blue eyes, your flaws I

refused to see because love is truly blind,

are all suddenly there in front of me.

And, thankfully, with a smile, I can turn away from your image

without regret or heart piercing sadness.

Because I am strong, and stronger than you ever imagined I

could be.

So, thank you, because if we were still a we, I wouldn’t be me.